I am full of earth, You are heaven's worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me, You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From the broken earth, flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

Two Big Reasons for Growth

I've been living with my father since we moved down to Florida (from Wisconsin) in late June of 2010.  It's been a roller-coaster of a ride, to say the least.  However, living with him has brought me to places of brokenness, gratefulness, self-reflection, challenge, and patience that I'd never thought possible.  I'm sure he is completely unaware of how much he has actually impacted my faith, but I know God brought me to this place with him for a bigger purpose.  I always thought it was my role to bring my father closer to God, but little did I know God was using my circumstances to reveal to me some of my own deep rooted sin that I'd never seen before. And for all that, I am blessed.

Meet Kerem, what a blessing she has been to my life this year.  When I came back to Orlando this January, I was about as far from God as a girl could get, lost in the confusion, loneliness, and pain that my choices, mistakes, and sin had brought me to.  Lucky for me, she had just gotten home from Passion 2012 and  was able to pour the love of Christ all over my life. She challenged me to get right with God and to not hide from opportunities to surround myself in a community of believers, because that was the only way I was going to truly be able to step away from the lifestyle I had been living.  She has challenged me like none of my other friends have before.  I've never felt so blessed to have someone like her in my life.  These past few months she has literally become like a sister to me, and I couldn't imagine life without her anymore.  It's amazing the impact some people can have on your life when you really open up and let them in. I can't wait to see the places God takes us and the experiences we go through the following years.

Letting Go

The materialism everywhere I look is starting to make my stomach turn. I've been thinking about ditching all my clothes again, a self-purge if you will.. because I continuously recognize as followers of Christ we're called to abandon everything for Him, and the way we cling to some of things we own is addiction in itself.  I see so many of us who find our identity in things solely of this world.. why do we get so caught up in our clothing and looking good for everyone around us?

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God - 1 Peter 3: 3-4

The Earth Is Yours - Gungor

The Spontaneity of Love

Oswald Chambers once wrote:
"But when His spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without knowing it.."

There's so much beauty in love, the way God created it for us to experience.  God has unfathomable amounts of love for us, He IS love, and He wants us to experience it too. After all, He created us in the image of Him.. and even that He might allow us to experience life with Him and allow His Holy Spirit to dwell within us.... WHAT A BLESSING! and WHAT A GIFT.  And what Chambers wrote was true, love is spontaneous.. the way it bursts out of us in extraordinary ways.. It's obvious to everyone around when someone truly loves God, you can see it in everything that embodies them, their eyes, the way they speak about Him, their actions.. it pours out of them...  So often I find myself in prayer for that, whether to re-obtain it, or to not lose that emotional spark that so many people experience when they first discover God, that fire, and JOY found in their salvation through Christ (Psalm 51)

So I continue to remind myself that I can't premeditate actions that reflect love, they come naturally. I try to think about that every time I subconsciously want something from God and decide the best way to go about "receiving blessings" from Him, whether it be through more prayer, more Bible time, more anything...  My love for Him should be spontaneous always, and if I'm finding that it's not... then I need to take a step back and pray about it.  Because first and foremost He has my affections and heart, nobody else, nothing else.

An Uplifting Message

A message I received the other day.. must share:

“Caleb taught a message yesterday about the Gaderine demoniac who lived in the tombs. He was the laughing stock of the city (which I'm not saying that of you or me, but it does ring true with our vulnerabilities. We feel like we have so many issues sometimes, at least I do) Well, Jesus came and healed him and cast all the demons into the pigs who drowned themselves, etc. etc.
           Ok, what does this have to do with what you wrote? After the man was clothed and in his right mind... whole, healed, and had experienced God's wonderful mercy and transforming grace, if you read the story in Mark 5, the next thing he said was.... 'Lord, take me with you' (because Jesus got in the boat and was leaving)  Jesus had a bigger purpose and said, 'Go home... go tell everyone what I've done for you. Go tell everyone of the grace and mercy you've experienced. Go show everyone what you were and what you are now.'
          You have been radically changed by the power of Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross. You are more radical and open in your beliefs than most young people I have seen. There is a calling on your life. You want more of God and more of God...it's so obvious. We all want to be in the safety of His presence and like you said so beautifully.....vulnerable....that's what He wants. He wants you in your imperfect state and to realize you'll always be broken and imperfect but IN HIM you are perfection. You are more powerful in your broken state when you are scared and unsure and have to run to Him for safety and security than you could ever be if you were self assured. I hope you are telling everyone what God has done for you (well, it's evident that you are) and that you continue to be a living example of how not to be a religious Christian. I love you and am so excited for what He is doing in your life. I just heard Joseph prince say.... 'We can't give anyone a drink of water out of our bankruptcy, We must first be filled and then it will overflow onto others.'  It looks like you are having a wonderful love affair with Jesus. There is no one who will love you more.
           'He has the very hairs on your head numbered' according to the Bible. Who would love you like that? It says in Jeremiah (or maybe Zacchariah) that He sings songs over us and dances around wildly at the very thought of us. I love that you are experiencing that. Isn't it wonderful to be swept away by the spirit of God? Don't ever change. The deeper you go, the more alone you might be (as far as people who understand you go) but the more consumed by His presence you'll be and the more you'll walk in and KNOW your destiny. Much love. xoxox"

Inadequacy 

"We tend to rationalize a passivity because of the self-awareness of our own inadequacy, something that should never embody a follower of Christ because God is always with us and He’s not really worried about what He’s got to work with.  When you’re doing your best, the results don’t matter because He already knows them. He’s pleased that you’re trying.  If we start recognizing that He is always with us, it will begin to bring about a sense of peace and holiness to our everyday life.  God can use anybody, and He so often has this tendency of using broken vessels to usher in the Kingdom. Nobody can stop those who God is for.  He is jealous for our affections because He loves us SO much, and he knows that without Him we will shipwreck our lives" -- Isaac Hunter

So often times I find myself sitting in my room with this great inspiration to do something...

1. I recognize that God called us to go out into the world and be a light in the darkness
2. As a follower of Christ I believe that we’re supposed to do radical things to further His kingdom that puts us in places where we’re totally dependent on Him to come through, because that’s where He gets the most glory

But then I stop and think "big picture", and I instantly become self-aware of how inadequate I am as a 20 year old college student, who doesn’t really know THAT much about anything. So I make justifications in my head as to why I’m living in this repetitive cycle, and I go on doing it, like a hamster on a wheel.  But what I find myself doing is actually MISSING the big picture, because our inadequacy is always going to be prevalent in our life, that's why we have God, that why God is always with us. Because He is all we need and always with us.. and that is where we can allow Him to shine through our lives. So, as I go through my routines, I find myself being equipped with God's word and character, through church and time spent in reflection, prayer, and the Bible… but I don’t see myself putting it to use, and I don’t feel like I’m really making a difference.  I know there’s a season for everything, but I also believe settling into a comfortable routine is not what we’re called to. I believe we’re not only to work at our education with everything as working for the Lord (Col. 3:23) but also to be working for the Lord through everything, and working towards rebuilding the city and Kingdom as well.  So that’s my goal this Summer, to overcome, and to go OUT into the city. To intertwine my heart with His and live out my faith in a refreshed and new way.

Words from Kurt at Status

May 27th, 2012

Whether we know it or not, we are spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ in our life through our words and actions, when we're surrounded by friends, and family.   He tells us in scripture that we are His branches, we're not trying to be His branches, and that is what we should always find our identity in, no matter who we are around. And as we continuously abide with Christ and the Holy Spirit, and we feed our relationship with Him, He'll begin to unlock certain things within us that will flow out of us and be seen by the people in our life.  And the more we nurture that relationship, the "trying to bear fruit" begins to fade and we begin to grow and bear fruit without trying, all due to the way we have been continuously feeding and nurturing our relationship with Him. 

My Psalm 51 Prayer

"Surely You desire truth in the inner parts
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place
Create in me a pure heart, O God
And renew a steadfast spirit within me
Do not cast me from Your presence

or take Your Holy Spirit from me

Restore to me the JOY of your salvation

And grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart."

Ecclesiastes

"Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand."

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools."

"Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you -- for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others"

"Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure.  For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him.  Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come? No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death. And as no one is discharged in time of war, so wickedness will not release those who practice it."

"Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom"

"The race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant, or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all"

"Whoever watches the wind will not plant. Whoever watches the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things"

"Be happy young man while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless."