The Greatest of These is Love

2011-06-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

I used to pour my heart into writing, be it poems, stories, or just day-to-day thoughts. My writing subsided when I began to realize it lead me to over think things and under appreciate the situations my life blessed me with. I was getting lost in the angst of what had happened and started losing sight of God in it all. I'm coming back around. I have a new-found hope in myself and in God, but it's been a real struggle to make my way back to him. Isaac preached this Sunday on Missing Home and it was the one message that I didn't realize I needed until I was sitting there listening and getting convicted sentence after sentence. I don't only love Isaac because he challenges me, I love him because he speaks truth and his truth is like a train hitting you in the face. It helps you realize so much about yourself but also so much about God and his love.

I'm a work in progress, but I just wanted to get that out.
Also.. Romans 5:3-5.

You have to Love

2011-06-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

—	Louise Erdrich (via girlwithoutwings)

2011-05-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

Sun Child

2011-04-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sun child, with all her sun-kissed speckles.
The pixie dust sprinkled from above, bleached her hair
And gave to her a million little freckles.
She feels like one among the wildflowers and the trees
The earth is her playground, running wild and free
Barefoot she learns the textures of the land
Where the dirt and grass beneath her toes
Lead and support her, wherever she goes
Can't tell her what to be for she knows where she belongs
Among the wildflowers and the trees because reality feels so wrong
The utopia she finds, in nature's company
Takes her from the screaming cries of responsibility
And this is where her soul will rest when her smile begins to fade
The wildflowers and the trees will listen and keep her secrets safe
For nothing here demands her time, or judges what she's worth
For nature accepts her as she is, and will wait patiently for her return.

2011-04-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

“So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk. Thinking about if people were rain. I was drizzle and he was hurricane.”
— LOOKING FOR ALASKA

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
— KHALIL GIBRAN

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."

— SYLVIA PLAT

"An easy life doesn’t teach us anything. In the end it’s the learning that matters: what we’ve learned and how we’ve grown."

— RICHARD BACH

"As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you’d always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it."

— MITCH ALBOM

To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower

Hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour.

— WILLIAM BLAKE

People can always have judgement about anything you do. So it doesn't bother me. Everything can be strange to someone - Michael Jackson

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

— AUDREY HEPBURN

I’ve always had this deep-down conviction that I’m not like everybody else, and there’s an amazingly exciting new life waiting for me just around the corner.

— SOPHIE KINSELL

It was on my heart.

2011-04-15T13:43:00.001-07:00

Lord, it's so hard to see You sometimes, for You're no visibile, tangible thing.

And I find no reassurance but my faith, though on these obstacles I keep stumbling.

They keep me from You and they keep me from Your grace.

I hate them so much but I know there's a reason that You're throwing them in my face

Because You want me to grow and You've called me to this place

These struggles bring me to my knees, yet still I try hiding it so nobody sees

But You're teaching me and growing me to experience vulnerability

I can't always put on the strong armor and fight these dragons alone

You'll throw things at me until I see

Putting on the armor of Christ is the only thing that will bring them to defeat.

And Your armor is more than just trusting in You, but confiding in my sisters too

And trusting they will lead me but struggle with things too

And knowing they won't hold me in contempt

For all the mistakes that I keep making, even after I repent

Lord, Your purpose is more than I can understand, but I do know this

All You want is for me to run back home, back to Your loving arms of grace

You know I'll fail. You know I'll fall.. Yet, all You want is my heart and trust.

Because Your love was poured out on the cross for us

So break me and make me what You want me to be, and allow me to be fully open

For we struggle to wholly surrender to You until we're completely broken

And how arrogant of me to ever scorn Your creation.

I'm hand-stitched with love and Your loving salvation.

For every fault and flaw I see, are constant reminders that You created me

See You called me beautiful and it must be true, because You made me in the image of You

And Lord Your beauty far surpasses understanding and to know You more is all I'm demanding.

Give Me Faith

2011-04-06T11:56:00.001-07:00

Unknown - 12/27/2010

2011-04-05T03:51:00.001-07:00

She's got a quick tongue and a sharp intellect

You battle her logic and fall out of step

With the snap of her whip and her piercing eyes

You find yourself beneath her, paralyzed

Watching her movements now down on the ground

You realize something as her voice comes around

There's an innocence beneath her haughty cold eyes

And when she gets comfortable her voice springs to life

So what is she guarding with this front of a lion?

Searching for the truth you carefully keep trying

Not letting her think she's stronger than you

You fight back when attacked and play her game too

Flustered and weak from such strong competition

You hear a wall fall and you sit down to listen

Reward for the battle is a piece of her heart

She hands it to you all bruised and scarred

You know that your role has just been assigned

To fix it up nice and watch it grow over time

Now knowing the fight that she has within

You challenge her daily and continue to win

And as your stockpile grows she lets you inside

To explore the deepest depths of her mind

And at the center of every single storm

Is a painful memory that's gone unshown

The more you explore the storm clouds disappear

And sunshine reveals something so weird

This girl's mind is filled with a land of things

Created by her that no human has seen

The beauty and awe of her abstract creations

Are not tempted or tried by worldly temptations

Now beginning to grasp the guard on her heart

You realize you've been where no man has before

Then you slowly retreat as she nods off to sleep

Her secret now yours to keep

Thoughts..

2011-04-05T03:50:00.003-07:00

Don't distress over what's been done, and do not plan for what's to come.

The future won't listen, you can't change the past.. right now is all you have

Details - 5/7/2010

2011-04-05T03:50:00.001-07:00

Curious minds exploring life,

Trying to see the bigger picture

But its many little details

That put it all together.

It starts with your mistakes

And the struggles that you face

For a lesson learned

Is knowledge earned

When all you see is rain.

Each drop seems like an ocean

That can drown your passing fame

Put down the umbrella that guards your fear

And start dancing in the rain.

With clothes all soaking wet

And no sun to keep you warm

You must patiently wait, embrace your fate, then appreciate

The rainbow after the storm

Little detail number two is this,

And follows personal growth:

Embracing who you are

And the beauty you behold.

Each person made uniquely

Each trait specifically placed

We're ingredients in God's recipe

All made with a different taste.

If you alter how you look

The product won't taste right

For "flaws" are just man's misconception

When the media blinds their sight

So love yourself with all your heart

Be who you are forever

And the sweetest detail number three,

Is not about dependency,

But independently loving another.

Each of us must stand our own

When the winds of life grow fierce.

For if we demand another's hand

We cannot conquer fear.

When peace is found within,

True love will begin to mold

The little details of our life

And a beautiful picture will unfold.

Sunrise - 5/4/2010

2011-04-05T03:49:00.000-07:00

A song escapes the robin's throat

Lifting up a morning new

Bringing with it morning dew

A fresh start for a broken soul

Bad yesterdays can be let go

Progress resumed, ambitious minds

Start their daily tasks of life

Chasing dreams of success and love

To invent a cure or save a life

Now the day lights fading into night

And we reminisce on what we've done

And retire to the ones we love

The darkness falls, as we close our eyes

For tomorrow brings another sunrise

Radical

2010-12-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

"I could not help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves."

Redefining Sisterhood

2010-11-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

2010-11-17T06:29:00.001-08:00

Moments

2010-11-17T06:23:00.000-08:00

I wrote a new one last night!

It seems the sun will rise and set

And we're still so unsatisfied

Consumed by what we lack in life

This never ending human strive

So caught up in our material lives

We miss the beauty as our days pass by

"But our life clocks are ticking, no time to waste!"

No, please slow down, stop, appreciate..

A warm bed on a chilly night

When you reconcile a drawn out fight

A cool breeze on a sweaty day

The sound of crashing ocean wave

When you finally conquer your biggest fear

Or that one day where you actually like what you see in the mirror

The burst of laughter after a ridiculous joke

Finding money in your jeans when you're totally broke

The song from a bird at the crack of dawn

When your annoying hiccups are FINALLY gone

The rainbow that comes after a thunderstorm

The comfort you feel when you come back home

How no two snowflakes are the same

Not living a life of exposed Hollywood fame

When the fridge is freshly stocked with food

A simply "I love you." that brightens your mood

It's crazy how little you'll complain

When you're actually thankful for every new day

'Cause these moments you let pass on by

Are the beautiful things about life

And all these possessions, they'll all lose their worth

When that new "thing" you don't have works just a little bit faster

But with time your memories gain value

And the people you love who surround you

In the end will be all that still matter.

2010-11-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

I Am Second's Chris Plakenpol came to talk to Cru tonight and it was awesome. His story was so inspiring and gave me goosebumps for an hour straight. All these people keep convicting me, I just wanna go and do. So I keep praying to God for that fire under my butt, because I'm still stuck in my old ways.

If you haven't seen or heard of them go here and watch some of the videos:
I am Second

They're partnering with Cru to reach our campus, I'm so excited!!!!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

2010-11-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

What faith can do

2010-11-16T11:53:00.000-08:00

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

2010-10-28T15:36:00.001-07:00

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.”

—	Alan Bennett

2010-10-28T09:52:00.001-07:00

2010-10-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Work Load

2010-10-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

THIS WORK LOAD IS RIDICULOUS.
I mean, I'm thankful for my education...
And I know you've got it all under control, but really?
7 hours in the library tonight...
Give me the strength to make it out alive.

Love,
Ella

2010-10-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly getting through 1st and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians and LOVING it! The things Paul said and was able to accomplish are SO admirable!

Cru at UCF :: Campus Ministry

2010-10-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

Be the Change

"For the price of a happy meal
you can choose to make an impact for eternity"

2010-10-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Ella,
Do everyone a favor and swallow your pride.
Just be the light that they need, and love on them.
God will do the rest.
Love, Me

Expectations

2010-10-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

I wrote this in early August

I had these expectations
Of what my life should be
I had these plans so perfectly
Planned out and set for me
Wanting to mold my own future
I lost sight of what you had in store
And slowly each plan came crashing down
My expectations lay broke on the floor
I lost myself to the world
So easily consumed in its wrath
Stumbling around for some truth
I got lost on my very own path
Your ways are so pure and true
Nothing in this world can compare
Lord Jesus consume me completely
For my life is yours to share
Lead me back to the cross
And hold my heart in your hands
For I know you will never abandon me
My faith is in you, and your beautiful plan

2010-10-21T12:12:00.001-07:00

Francis Chan Challenges

2010-10-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

”But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through"

"We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You've probably heard the expression 'I believe in God, just not organized religion'. I don't think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live."

"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace."

"The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are this way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives."

"When it's hard and you are doubtful, give more.

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

"The world needs Christians who don't tolerate the complacency of their own lives."

"When I am consumed by my problems-stressed out about my life, my family, and my job-I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice."

"We have to believe it enough that it changes how we live."

"Are we in love with God or just His stuff?"

"Christians today like to play it safe. We want to put ourselves in situations where we are safe 'even if there is no God.' But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way."

"Christians are like manure: spread them out and they help everything grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink horribly."

"Nothing compares to being truly, exuberantly wanted by your children."

"Lukewarm people don't really want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin."
"Lukewarm living and claiming Christ's name simultaneously is utterly disgusting to God."

"Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves."

"Lukewarm people think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven."

"The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him-and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by."

Note to Self #2

2010-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

The Books of 1 Corinthians and Galatians..

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." - 1 Corinthians 1:25

- People who are foolish and weak before God are more praise worthy than a man who thinks he is strong and wise in the ways of the Lord. There is truly no such thing as "being knowledgeable about God and knowing you are" because a person who is truly knowledgeable about the Lord is humbled and admits he knows nothing because of the vast amount he has yet to learn. -

"Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord" - 1 Corinthians 1:31

"So that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom but on God's Power" - 1 Corinthians 2:5

"Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait til the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts" - 1 Corinthians 4 : 4-5

"Do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather serve one another in love." - Galatians 5:13

"If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." - Galatians 6 : 3-5

Book Suggestions

2010-10-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Mission Trip to Peru

2010-10-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

At the Indian Markets shopping in Lima!

Kaitlin and I slacking off

I formed a beautiful new friendship with Miss Abbi Olson

Guinea Pig for Dinner

The Team!

We got to use dull machetes to weed wack!

What 3/4s of the days consisted of.. laying cement!

Courtney and I doing a beautiful job painting the shed Salmon colored

Lyrical Inspiration

2010-10-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

"So if we keep seeking out what is right,
Moving on after being set back.
Searching out what keeps us strong.
Searching out, and always building up
The things that we lack.
This path we choose is not the easiest to walk upon
And knowing that I am more eager to continue on
Because I know that when I reach the end
...I'll be better than before"

- Searching, Seeking, Reaching, Always [We Came as Romans]

Note to Self #1

2010-10-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

The Book of Matthew..

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny." - Matthew 5:12
Forgive those who have wronged you and do it soon and sincerely, because not forgiving them is a sin that God will confront you with on judgment day. If you don't forgive those who sin against you, God won't forgive your sin either.

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." - Matthew 5:29
Recognize the things in your life that are causing you to sin and remove them because it's better to go a lifetime without that thing on Earth than it is to spend an eternity in Hell for a small Earthly satisfaction.

"Do not swear to someone on God's kingdom or even on your own life, let your yes be 'Yes.' and your no be 'No.' " - Matthew 5 : 34-35

"Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" - Matthew 5:42

The saying "a tooth for a tooth" is false, if someone slaps you in the face, turn the other cheek. You can only lead some to Jesus through showing his love to them through example, so that they may want what we have.
"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret.. your Father sees and will reward you." - Matthew 6 : 3-4
Humility. It's about the Revolution.

"For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." - Matthew 6:8
Don't pray to God just to ask him for things, he already knows what you need.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:21
Whatever you truly invest your heart in is where you will keep your treasure..
Is it in God and in heaven?

"Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." - Matthew 7:21

What has God taught me this year?

2010-10-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I started reading in the book of Matthew. I can honestly say I've read the new testament books multiple times and never truly took anything from it and applied it to my life.. In fact I think I used to read the bible just to read the stories, the miracles Jesus performed, and all the "cool stuff" that happened back in Bible times.

As I've grown up and matured, I keep getting the same message over and over: "Ella, just because you believe that Jesus is the son of God and asked him into your heart does NOT mean you're going to heaven."

At first I didn't want to believe it, and in my denial I'd just quote John 3:16.
"..that whosoever BELIEVES in him should not perish but have everlasting life."

But then it dawned on me as I continued to read the Bible, it says over and over how we must live our faith out. Now I could easily say "Hey, I go to church, I pray, I'm LIVING my faith out" but as I heard more and more people read scripture to me and truly teach me Jesus' teachings I knew I wasn't living my faith out like God called me to do. As a born-again Christian we aren't just asking God into our hearts, we're putting him at the center of our lives, and doing everything for the glory of him and not ourselves.. if we're not truly living our faith out, then we're not doing as God calls us to do.

Then I recalled the verse in Revelation 3 where Jesus writes to the church of Laodicea: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." ...and I began to realize.. If I'm not "hot" or on fire for God, then he's going to spit me out of his mouth. He's going to deny me into his Kingdom.

Like Francis Chan so wisely spoke on, this was a letter to Americans.
We suffer the disease of comfort and like it says in Mark 10:23
"How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"..as an American, I am the rich, and though we live well off for a blink of an eye on Earth, we will suffer for an eternity unless we can lay down our comfort and make ourselves vulnerable for the sake of others.

Back to my initial point, I was reading the book of Matthew and really started getting so much out of each verse. I'm going to share each day with you what I am learning. They will be called my "Note to Self" posts.

Think Hard. Stay Humble.

2010-10-20T13:55:00.001-07:00

2010-10-20T13:51:00.001-07:00

"God gives the world enough of what it needs. He just doesn’t distribute it"

2010-10-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

Campus Crusades Retreat

2010-10-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

I went on my Campus Crusades Retreat this past weekend and had such a blast. It was an amazing learning experience for me and the speaker Steve Rieske really convicted me in a lot of ways. He talked about how the world today is essentially "Babylon" and things haven't changed. The conspiracy of "normal" today is greed, power, and sexual immorality and it's everywhere. He said we as Christ followers need to start a revolution and begin to help change the way the world is becoming. He gave us a road map to the Revolution and said you need to:
1. Deny self.. Find the areas in our lives where we find our worth and the things we so strongly desire and deny them because if they're not Jesus, they're Babylon.
2. Self Death.. God tells us so often to GO. We need to LEAVE Babylon, because it's not going to leave us. Die to what we were.
3. Follow.. Act with love and compassion to all as Jesus did when He walked the Earth. Spread the gospel by love, be on fire for God. If you ever wonder "am I doing enough?" then you're not, because when you're on fire for God you're so consumed by it you don't have any other thoughts but how else you can further His kingdom.

The biggest thing I took away from this weekend was a new point of view on judging other people's sin. We cannot evaluate someone else's life. Their right and wrong are based on how well they know Jesus. Because by knowing Christ, his values become our values, but for someone that is lost, what they know and seek for comfort in this world is what's going to eventually break them down until they have to call out for God. We cannot try and remove the sin from their lives, or their hearts will starve and they will never be able be broke before God. They will develop a works-based faith where they say, "I don't sin, and I do all these good things" and it will lead to a faith where they don't NEED God because they feel they have it all together. Don't lead people astray, and don't judge their sin. Just love on them, show them a love like Christ loved us, so that they see it and desire more than just what the world has offered them.

"The greatest blessing God could give you is himself" - Steve Rieske

"What are we doing with our time that is so much better than sharing the gospel?" - Natalie Clifford